I truly believe if you don’t acknowledge and then deal with an issue, you will not be able to heal from it. One thing I’ve been working on and through has been fear of abandonment and engulfment, ultimately the fear of loss and getting too close. These two issues conjointly cause behaviors that alternately pull a person, a partner, etc. in and then, push them away again. I’m a lover and encourager naturally, but w/o realizing it, past experiences taught me allowing people to get too close could be, most likely would be detrimental so, don’t allow it. The last few years especially I’ve been “unpacking” some of these things within, understanding incidents and experiences from years ago crept into the defense mechanism of being lovingly standoff-ish. This unpacking has had me shed a lot internally, externally, including some relationships that weren’t serving me well and not the healthiest overall. In turn though, I’ve had other relationships deepen, this including the relationship with myself.
The more I’m healing within, the more I see beyond the filters, the representatives, how people hide the pain, but their brokenness shows in other ways. I’ve been having these experiences, especially recently allowing me to see how much I’ve been growing, loving myself better, healthier and in turn, loving others better, healthier. We all have different experiences, but this isn’t to say one should knock another’s experience because it’s not their own. It also doesn’t mean we get to camp-out in the pavilion of our past pain and infect others. What I’m understanding through my own growth, a person’s inability to love me doesn’t diminish my own ability and capacity. Not everybody has the same capacity (or willingness) to love us how we need or would want. It doesn’t mean they don’t love though. We get to decide how and if we will participate in whatever relationship and to what degree. There are many who are hurting, who have calloused their compassion as a way of survival. It’s easier to be hard than to allow the potentiality of care and love in because let’s face it, if it doesn’t go well, hurt, hurts. Pain and healing from it can offer perspective, allowing for the opportunity to connect, understand and hopefully, not condemn.